It’s quiet in the dark, except for the screaming. I hold my one-year-old, skin hot from fever, as he writhes against me. “No, no” he cries, little hands trying to force me away. He wants neither down nor up. I’m used to being the touch that soothes - a useless gift when everything hurts.
Read moreTantrums and Control: Learning to Love and Let Go
The heat is creeping towards 100 degrees today, so ice cream sounds like a good idea.
It could have been a good idea if my toddler had gotten her nap.
Read moreWatch Me!
“Watch me, Mommy!”
This is the single line of the chorus I hear all day long. Whatever task I am occupied by matters little to my daughter who burns to show me her latest accomplishment.
Read moreLike Little Children: Trusting God with Confidence
"Book!" says my toddler as he hobbles along, dragging a board book behind him. I take it from him and gather him onto what's left of my lap, shrinking away as the new baby grows within it.
Read moreA Perfect Disaster: Finding Joy in the Messiness of Christmas
It’s December 27th and the house is as quiet as the snow that silently blankets everything outside of our windows in the predawn blackness. The only light in the room glows from our Christmas village where it sits merrily on the mantle, high above greedy fingers whose enthusiasm threatens to crack its delightfully delicate rendition of an idyllic Christmas. The sight the villagers look down upon, however, is another story.
Read moreAwe in the Temple
What did you feel when you saw him standing there, finally found? The rise of anger? The wash of relief? Was it then, in that moment, when you knew he was not yours to keep?
Marks of... Love?
I didn’t love the way I looked in a bikini before I had children. I fretted over perceived imperfections, poured time and money into fixing them. I drank green juices…
Read moreJust a Touch
My daughter’s body is curled on my chest, hot with fever. She is 18 months old, just discovering the joy of running everywhere, but this week her little legs lay still. She opens her eyes some, vaguely aware that Dory is getting lost for the 18th time on the blue of the television screen.
Read moreFeed Me
Can a baby be addicted to nursing?
I wonder. My daughter, my first child, is a few weeks old and gaining weight steadily. And it’s no wonder: she eats, she sleeps, and she cries.
Read moreWaiting in the Darkness
We are scheduled for an 11 pm induction.
The house is dark and quiet, and somehow feels more hollow with my daughter sleeping at her grandmother’s instead of her little bed. My belly aches
Read moreI Will Give You Rest
There will be no nap today.
The realization hangs heavy around my chest as I watch my plans evaporate. Some days, I’m ready to embrace the opportunity.
Read moreAn Empty House
I love the quiet, the stillness before the sun rises and little feet patter down the hall. This time is my gift to myself and to God. It is the time when the coffee is still hot
Read moreGod in the Kitchen Sink
This house will never be clean again. Despite the unlikelihood of this statement, I know it to be true. I’m drowning in a sea of toys and laundry, and if I am to take Marie Kondo’s advice, it’s all going in the trash because none of it is sparking any joy.
Read moreWailing for Waffles
My one-year-old eats a waffle for breakfast every morning. Despite that I have never failed to feed him, he inevitably wails for the entire two minutes it takes to pop up from the toaster. I sing and dance, trying to distract him. I explain that the waffle needs to cook. Nothing helps; the waiting is too painful.
Read moreMultiply Me
When there’s not enough of you to go around
Read morePrayer: 3 Lessons from a 3-Year-Old
Three moments with my little one that taught me about the nature of God
Read moreWe Need a Theology of Motherhood
What exactly does our Church have to say about how to live out the vocation of motherhood?
Read moreDear Mama in Quarantine
Dear Mama,
I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice: you are tired. Not just the daily grind of motherhood tired. Not even the loopy, delirious kind of tired that comes with having a newborn. You are exhausted. You are running on a treadmill that is set one speed too fast and you don’t know when the workout will end.
Read moreMotherhood, Or Why I'm Still in My Pajamas
It's been one of those mornings. Actually, it's the afternoon now, so I guess it started out as just a morning but it got bold as it gained strength and it's threatening to take over the whole day.
Read moreDevotion in a Time of Pandemic
When I first stumbled across this quote several years ago, just a few months into my marriage, I found it comforting, inspiring, and even a little sentimental. “Is that all?” I remember thinking. “I feel like attaining world peace is much more complicated and difficult than that.”
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